I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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