ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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