If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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