Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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