you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
