She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
