FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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