We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
