just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
