stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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