on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
