That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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