He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
