i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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