Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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