found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
