I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
