I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
