so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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