We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
