oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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