Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize