Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
