Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
