PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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