I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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