Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
