they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
