I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
