Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
