your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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