i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
