So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
