He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
