it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Pooping to opera.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
