Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
