The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
