plz talk dirty to me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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