I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
