I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
