i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
