I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize