News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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