Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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