It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
