Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
