Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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