your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
