True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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