When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
