i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
