So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize