All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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