I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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