After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
