she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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