i was born a porn star she said
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
