Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
