you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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