No awkward lesbian experiences without me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
