on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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