PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
