dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We need to get me chipped asap
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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