Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
