me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
