She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
