Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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