they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
