Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
