i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
