literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
